Friday, June 29, 2012

Hangin' with my bad self

So I'm flipping through the selection of new releases on demand and feeling pretty 'meh' about it. I'm beginning to think I might be getting too picky, but then I remember the last movie I watched (can't remember the title, but it took place in Wales and it involved teenagers, a couple of whack jobs, an abandoned orphanage and people dying violent deaths) soooo, yeah. Still, every title I look under reveals something unpleasant. What's this... wait, it's got Julia Roberts in it?! Oh HELL no. Dwayne Johnson? Really? Do we need to go there? It's  been several years and I still don't smell whatever the hell the Rock is cooking (or want to...). And Bindlestiffs? What the hell does that even mean? All I know is the description lost me at 'The story unfolds as they surrender their virginities to hobos, prostitutes and crack fiends'. Oooohkay. I think I'm all set.

I switched to Netflix, and yeah, we've already discussed the 'categories' that pop up {insert evil laughter here} but you know what? They don't change films often enough. And I'm not interested in sequels to movies like Hostel or the Human Centipede. I'm also kind of sick of the same old same old with horror flicks. You know what I mean:

1. Found footage! Yep, I think we need to lay this one to rest for a while. It was fine with the low budget filmmakers who were trying to be innovative and create a good story with the bare minimum. It worked with the Blair Witch Project. It worked with Paranormal Activity (the first one, anyway). Now it seems like everyone's doing them and *yawn* they're just not bringing anything new to the table.

2. Abandoned mental hospital. Word of advice if you happen to find one of these bad boys in your travels? DON'T GO INSIDE! I mean, duh, these people were nuts, of course their ghosts will be too. If I counted the horror movies  that used this as a setting, I'd be convinced that there are haunted asylums everywhere.

3. A parent (or parents) moves to the country after the death of their child( or a divorce) to start fresh. Then bad things happen. Really bad things. Half the movies I looked at had this in their description.

4. Zombies. I hate myself for saying this, but zombies really have taken over the world and I'm not sure I like it, because they make a lot of really shitty movies. I'll take Night of the Living Dead or 28 Days Later, or even Walking Dead any day. But there's just too much other stuff and most of it sucks. Even George Romero's most recent film Survival of the Dead was one big giant suckfest (A whole other rant...)

Ah, hell, I could go on, but do I really want to? I need a glass of wine...

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